Conversational Skills

Lesson 10: Conversational Skills

1. Conversation

Conversation is the informal exchange of opinions and information for pleasure. It is often regarded as casual or small talk between two or more people.

Conversation is important in any form of relationship. Conversation is not only making small talk, it involves a number of pleasant and intelligent skills.

We need to know how to open conversation, keep it going and bring it to a close.

Our conversational style may indicate our thoughts, feelings and also provide cues to how our remarks are to be interpreted.

Conversational Skills

Conversational skills require the ability to initiate, maintain and close a conversation.

1. Initiating Conversation: Opening a conversation, getting the other person to talk is not always easy. In opening conversation, it is helpful to remember the purpose of the opener. The purpose of conversational opener is (1) to recognize the other party and (2) to say something that will prompt an appropriate response.

The subject matter of a conversational opener is oftentimes of little importance. We have three basic options,

(i) Themselves e.g, Hi My name is .............. I am a student of HRU

(ii) The other person e.g Thats a nice shirt you are have on, where did you get it?

(iii) The situation e.g The weather today is quite hot, isn’t it?

The three can be combined e.g what do you think I should do about the Intercultural Communication paper we have to write next week.

Another helpful conversational opener is the subject matter of the opener. We can state a fact, give an opinion or express a feeling.

(i) Themselves – facts e.g I’m from .....................

(ii) The other person – opinions e.g I really like the color of your jacket

(iii) The situation – feelings e.g How do you feel about being in a class this big.

Failure to start a conversation does not necessarily mean that we are poor conversationalist. Some people are less responsive than others while some may be unavailable to talk because of the press of demand. If a conversational opener is unsuccessful, then we should try another approach or try another person. No matter how tempting the bait is not every cast catches a fish.

2. Maintaining Conversation

After initiating conversation, there will be a transition where by the talk is shifted to a topic or topics which will allow the conversation to continue. We may also decide to break off the conversation and move to a conclusion. If we desire to prolong the conversation, we can do so in several ways.

1. Be more knowledgeable and interesting:- we communicate from our experiences, if we limit our experience , we limit our potential areas of discussion. Knowledge comes from general reading or specific studies. Being informed about current events, international, national and local can easily provide materials for talk.
2. Pay attention to the stories we hear. We need to know how to recount events in a way that engages the attention of others. Stories may be jokes but they do not have to be. Some stories are sobering, others are scary. People enjoy hearing a well-told story even if it is only a minute or two in length.
3. Make appropriate responses to what is being said: Unwarranted conclusions can bring a conversation to an abrupt end.
4. Be sensitive to the feelings expressed by our conversational partners: When we are sympathetic to what the other person is expressing, our conversation is more likely to be successful.
5. Making Self-disclosure:- revealing appropriate information about ourselves helps to build relationship. When one person reveals personal information, the other party will respond in kind.
6. Directing Conversation into new areas:- when we reach the limit of a topic, we introduce a second one much in the same way we opened a conversation initially. For example you can switch from talking about the football team to basketball team if the two people engaged in the conversation are interested in sports.
7. Practice question linking. This involves linking the response of your conversational partner in the form of a question.
8. Use non verbal Cues. Maintaining interpersonal distance shows a person is interested in continuing the exchange. Leaning forward, nodding, eye contacts and facial moods can help to indicate when a person wishes to continue the conversation or ends.

1. CLOSING CONVERSATION

Conversation will eventually reach an ending point no matter how short or long it may be. Sometimes both partners may stop talking and walk away. This type of ending is unsatisfactory.

There are several ways we can end conversation. Here is a list of closing techniques.

a. Recognize the conversation is one way. For example, we can end a conversation by saying “Its been nice talking to you”, “I am glad things worked out for you”, You’ve had some interesting experience”

b. Present a pressing claim. Here you can disclose another committment or interest that should be met. E.g Well, I need to go home, or I have to to go back to the office now or please excuse me I have another appointment.

c. Finish with a farewell:- Goodbye, See you later, Thanks for everything, talk to you again soon, take care etc.

d. Shift position away from the partner

e. Breaking Eye contact

f. Leave taking behaviours. for example, pack your belongings Put on your coat, take out your car keys.